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The Devastating Cycle of Domestic Violence
Learn more about the devastating effects of domestic violence and why the cycle is so hard to break.
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
Does not want you to work.
Controls finances or refuses to share money.
Punishes you by withholding affection.
Expects you to ask permission.
Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
Humiliates you in any way.
If you answered 'yes' to these questions you may be in an abusive relationship; please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or your local domestic violence center to talk with someone about it.
I have come to realize that domestic violence is a very complicated, heartbreaking, and strenuous ordeal. After much study and experience, I have had to accept the reality that the only person that can save the victim is the victim herself/himself. They are the only one that can come to the rescue. I have tried to rescue a few people in my life from abusive relationships only to fail miserably. The first being my mother; the second being a good friend of mine that I cared about very much. Again, they must rescue themselves. Because of the unhealthy dynamic created by domestic violence, the victim becomes very comfortable being controlled, and it feels very awkward to not be controlled. This is why so often that shortly after the victim leaves the abusive relationship, they have a tendency to return because it is very uncomfortable not being controlled and the possessive nature of their partner is misconstrued as "love".
For anyone that is trying to rescue a friend, loved one, or acquaintance from an abusive relationship, please understand that they must save themselves through self-evaluation and therapy. There just isn't any other way. It is necessary to recreate the victim's self-image and work through the emotional issues that have been created in this abusive relationship. There was a reason why they were attracted to this type of relationship to begin with so those issues need to be addressed and worked on.
Good luck. And again, encourage the victim to get professional help. Feel free to visit the National Domestic Violence website to learn more. Thanks.